what’s it like to have anxiety?
imagine 15 missed calls from your mom then your phone dies
like you’re holding a glass of water that’s filled to the brim then have to walk up three flights of stairs without spilling a drop
receiving a “can we talk?” text then not getting a response for six hours
leaving the house for literally anything is as daunting as climbing Mount Everest
what’s it like to have anxiety?
to experience panic with no actual danger
all this smoke but no actual fire
yet I’m choking on something I can’t put into words
any butterflies in your stomach turn into pissed off wasps
your mind screams for safety when you’re already surrounded by it
you’re the center of everyone’s universe except your own
do I look okay? i look stupid.
is everyone looking at me?
everyone is looking at me…
WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME?!?!
no one is actually looking at me.
what’s it like to have anxiety?
it’s like having a tapeworm
most of the symptoms are the same
nausea.
vomiting.
abdominal pain.
general weakness.
weight loss.
sleeping difficulties.
initially, you’re freaked out by it
scared of the health implications
scared you’ll get sicker
how this will impact your daily life
but then something strange happens
you learn to live with it, to coexist with it
sometimes you forget it’s a parasite
you forget not everybody deals with this
that other people are actually healthy
no matter how much it hurts you and prevents you from doing the things you love
sometimes it’s the only thing that’s there for you
i’d rather have the tapeworm because tapeworms can be surgically removed
people don’t tell you to “get over” a tapeworm
when you tell someone you have a tapeworm, they don’t question whether or not tapeworms are real
and you can’t be told you’re “imagining” a tapeworm when there is proof it was inside of you
that’s what it’s like to have anxiety.
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Originally published at https://afrosandopinions.com on August 9, 2019.
