Disclaimer, I initially used “women” to refer to cisgender women (meaning the women who identify as the gender and sex they were given at birth) and I left out all people who have female genitalia who aren’t cis, but I wanted to clarify I was referring to cisgender women in this piece and how this conversation is framed around them. This obviously can apply to trans women or NB “female-presenting” individuals, but I can only speak from a cisgender perspective.
Slut:
1.) a woman who has many casual sexual partners
2.) a woman with low standards of cleanliness
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Virgin:
1.) a person who has never had sexual intercourse
2.) a person who is naive, innocent or inexperienced
SO, we have a loose woman with no standards for herself, versus a woman who is innocent & pure and the object of every man’s desire due to it. (Also the ‘virgin’ isn’t limited to someone who has never had sex but to someone who has ONE sexual partner.)
Right, okay, so let me set some things straight.
1.) Virginity or the concept of virginity is man-made (aka: not real)
It’s no secret that we live in a patriarchal society. Especially when you consider that most women in all cultures across the world were treated and traded as property for centuries and had no say in who they married or when they married. That being said, they (they being the head of the household plus the men in the family) needed a way to keep the women “pure” to make them seem pristine and untouched to keep them the most appealing, SO they used the dreaded “Hymen Test.” The hymen test is when someone would check the hymen (a thin fold of tissue located a couple centimeters inside the vaginal opening that surrounds or may even completely cover the vaginal opening) to check to see if the woman had sex or not. Most of the time, if it was proven that the hymen was broken the marriage proposal was dissolved.
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!
There are many different types as you can see and obviously, not all women’s bodies operate precisely the same (duh). Not only can a woman be born without a hymen, but the hymen can be broken by several physical activities like gymnastics, horseback riding, or bike riding. Also, less then HALF of women bleed the first time they have sexual intercourse, AND if that wasn’t enough, in some cases the hymens don’t even break, they just stretch. It’s complete and utter pseudoscience.
(Also let’s not forget how men are expected, even pressured to have sex and they are NEVER deemed less than or dirty or worthless because of it. If anything, its a rite of passage.)
2.) Vaginas expand while having sexual intercourse and return to their original state.
This is usually the part where you look at your screen in disbelief thinking that I’m just some angry feminist who hates men and is twisting the rules of the virginity BUT… I’m actually right.
The vagina is a muscle, people tend to forget that. What does muscle do? EXPAND AND CONTRACT. When a woman is sexually excited, the vagina becomes lubricated, and it EXPANDS and when said woman stops having sex/, guess what, IT CONTRACTS. Now, of course, the muscles become tired over time and loosen, but people have this misconception that as soon as a woman has sex, it goes from a pinhead to a cave opening when that isn’t true AT ALL. It’s ironic because a woman who has sex repeatedly with one partner isn’t considered ‘loose’ or a ‘skank.’ But, a woman who has had multiple sexual partners AND has had the same amount of sex as the other woman, is somehow different…yeah…okay.
Let’s not forget that WOMEN CAN HAVE CHILDREN. As in a large organism that is substantially larger than a penis is EXITING the vagina sooooooooooo a penis going into the vagina isn’t doing much ‘damage’ considering a woman can bounce back after having a child. Lord.
Knowing all of this information really opens your mind to the extreme double standard between the ‘slut’ and the ‘virgin’.
Story Time
So I’m sitting on the bus on my way home minding my business, and all I hear from behind me is “Oh my god, she’s such a slut!”
Two of my friends (both girls I might add) were talking about some random girl, a cheerleader I think. Me, being the snooper that I am, ask: “Well, how do you know she’s a slut?”
One of the girls immediately starts this long story about the previously mentioned girl’s sexual exploits.
“She offered to give a guy a blowjob for weed. I know, I was there.”
“She has slept with sooooooo many of the guys on the football team.”
“Everyone knows she’s a huge slut.”
“It’s gross how many guys she’s been with.”
I immediately became defensive, wholly stunned, and disgusted. I put my headphones on and stewed in my seat.
You weren’t even there, so how would you know that? Secondly, why are you so obsessed with her sex life? You’re honestly bitter because you aren’t getting any, but don’t shame this girl in order to feel better about yourself. And I sincerely doubt you would say ALL this to her face. I’ve never understood women who shame other women to try and degrade them to make themselves feel better. It’s honestly gross and internalized misogyny at its finest And the worst part about all this is that it’s all rumors. People are trying to devalue and demean women based off of RUMORS and personal issues they have with themselves that have absolutely nothing to do with the women that they are slut shaming.
This is why the sluts versus virgin thing is so important. People measure a woman’s worth by how many people she has had sex with. Just think about how insane that is.
If we take two women, one who has had sex with multiple people and the other has not. Your first response would most likely be that the woman who has had a lot of sex is LESS THAN the other woman PURELY based off of sexual conquests.
THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH A WOMAN WHO CHOOSES TO HAVE CONSENSUAL, SAFE SEX WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS!
Honestly… There’s nothing wrong with it, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. As long as sex is consensual and protection is used — who cares? Some people are way too obsessed with other people’s sex lives and shame others who are having the sex lives that they want. Let’s be real.
Long story short: Women, hell NO ONE is dictated by their sexual activity and should not be judged by who they have sex with and how many people they choose to have sex with.
Thanks for reading!
Originally published at http://afrosandopinions.com on January 29, 2016.
